The headlines screamed “Students told they are not special” and an interesting thing happened. Most people who commented on blogs or in response to the story agreed with what was said in the speech. Young folks and older folks both – that surprised me. There were of course a few unhappy people who thought the teacher was out of line but for the most part – a round of applause.
My first reaction was that it was a gutsy thing to say at a commencement, and a bit odd for the occasion. Surely that couldn’t possibly have been the whole point of the address. I read more about the speech and then watched the recording and found it to be more affirming that it was damning. The graduates were encouraged to do things without regard to reward, achieve for the sake of achievement, find self-fulfillment in selflessness. They were encouraged to go out and become better than special. It’s a powerful message.
When I read through the comments in various places online, I expected there would be more finger-pointing by younger people – fingers pointed at parents (like me?) who over and over again told their children how wonderful and special they were; at schools that wouldn’t let kids fail; at sports leagues that made sure everyone got a ribbon or trophy just for showing up. We all deserve fingers pointed in our direction – we are the parents who raised a generation of over-indulged, self-absorbed children. We are the ones who marched down to the principal’s office when we thought a teacher was being too hard on our baby. We are the ones who abused sports coaches and referees for imagined slights against our children.
We, however, are not the ones paying for our actions – our children are. It’s our children who are going out, unprepared, into a world with fewer and fewer jobs, with people who don’t care about past (non)achievements, with no interest in coddling anyone. I fear we’ve done our children a great disservice.
It seems to me we started going wrong when the word “parent” became a verb. Previous generations didn’t build their lives around their children the way we did nor tried to make life as easy as possible for them. Previous generations – our parents, grandparents and their parents and grandparents - were more concerned about raising kids who were prepared go out in the world to take their places as responsible adults. And that’s where we’ve failed – we haven’t allowed our children to grow up and take responsibility for anything, much less themselves.
And now we have a commencement address that says, in the nicest way possible, that it’s time for young people to grab the reins and actively pursue their own lives. It’s a message that should go out to every graduate. And maybe to every parent as well.
