Christmas

It's two days before Christmas and I am in my happy place.  It took a mental boot in the butt to get me here, and it was definitely worth it.  I'd have been upset with myself if I'd allowed a Christmas season to go by without enjoying it. 

And there's so much to enjoy.  The kid is home for longer than just a few days, my sister arrived yesterday and we've already had one family gathering - I'm looking forward to at least one or two more. 

I am not known to be a social person; in fact, I can be downright un-social.  Give me alone time and I am at my happiest.  Give me my small family and no one else and I'm happy.  Or that's the case most of the time.  The two notable exceptions are Thanksgiving and Christmas.  They are family-and-friends time, time to gather with others around a table or in the living room and enjoy each other's company.

A few years ago, it was just the three of us - Jim, the kid and me - for Christmas.  It was nice, but it didn't feel like Christmas.  There should have been more people around the table; there should have been more people coming and going.  It was a little sad.

But this year I have family around; they have friends they are bringing around, too.  It feels good.  It feels like Christmas. 

So here I am in my happy place.  All the trappings of Christmas are present and accounted for - the tree, the lights, the music, the food.  But even better than that, the people are here.  My family is here. 

May you find yourself in your own happy place this Christmas. 

Getting into the spirit

It’s been awhile since I posted anything here and when I look back I realize I have been very quiet this second half of the year.  Truth is, I really haven’t felt very chatty.  I had some fun things to talk about – a vacation in BC and a visit with a favourite cousin/friend, a long weekend in Ottawa with my Buds, time with the kid at Thanksgiving – but even those haven’t roused me from what has become a year-long funk.  And the funk continues … it’s nearing Christmas and I have yet to get enthused about the season.

And it’s not just me.  It seems everyone I know is having a crummy year.  Prolonged and/or serious health issues, major financial problems, deaths, damaged relationships … it’s a bad year for everyone.   And it’s not like it’s a single event in the year – it’s issue after issue; scare after scare.

For me it started in January and I’m really hoping it ends in December.  I’m not going to bore anyone with my litany of complaints about what has felt like an unending string of health and personal issues this year.  I just hope there really is an end to it.   

This has been a topic for conversations I’ve had with various people, and we all are coming to the same conclusion – it’s just that time of life.  These middle aged bodies have become strangers to us and we are left to figure out what the new regime is.  We are experiencing what we always thought were old people’s problems.  We are dealing with almost-grown and grown children and changes in relationships, aging parents .. the list goes on.  I may be naïve to think my bad year will end at December 31: none of the conditions that seem to be related to it are going away any time soon – I’m still going to be middle aged next year.

So now what?

Well, I have decided it’s time to move on.  Enough of this.  I’m tired of having a crummy year and part of what makes it crummy is that I’m identifying it as crummy.  If this is the new normal, I’m going to live with it and deal with it.   I know I said earlier this year I needed to get back on track and I meant it, but then things went sideways and … well, here I am at the end of the year, wanting to get back on track.

I’ll start again, now.  Christmas is coming.  I love Christmas.  The tree is going up on the weekend.  I have lists to make, baking (ugh) to do, rooms to prepare, gifts to buy and wrap.  I’m going to look forward to Christmas, dammit!