Valentine’s Day was just a few days ago. I was informed by my Australian friend (and
had it confirmed by a friend in Britain) that it is very much a North American
holiday and I believe them – the greeting card companies and floral industry have
done a very good marketing job here and we have bought into the whole hearts
and flowers thing. Well, most people –
Jim and I have done very little to acknowledge Valentine’s Day over the years –
I think the most we’ve ever done is make a nice meal, give each other cards and
say “I love you”. After almost-30
years of marriage, is anything else needed?
We didn’t even do the cards and nice meal this year – we left it at “I
love you”.
I don’t think I’m telling tales out of school to say that my
friend has a complex relationship with her husband. In comparison, I have occasionally felt that
Jim’s and my marriage is almost too easy – and maybe too easy means a little
shallow? That’s ridiculous, of course, because
every marriage has its own story and context and cannot be compared to any
other. Yet, when asked to explain why I
loved Jim and being unable to do so – well, it left me wondering.
Several months after this exchange, I heard a speaker at a
conference talk about consumers’ buy-in to various products and how they appeal
to people. He compared rational
responses to products – they are useful, user-friendly, the right size, etc. –
to the emotional appeal they have, and noted no one can adequately explain why
they are emotionally attached to a product. And he extended that to relationships and
finally I had the reason why I couldn’t articulate my emotions.
According to the speaker, the part of our brain that deals
with rational things like decisions and problem solving and learning is also
the part of the brain that processes language.
We can use language to express what we are thinking and reasoning. The part of the brain that processes emotion
and emotional responses, however, does not process language, and so we cannot
use language to describe emotion.
I’m sure that’s overly-simplified (and let’s face it, my
middle-aged brain only remembers so much these days) but his presentation made
me feel so much less foolish about my inability to express a simple sentiment.
So next time someone asks you why you love your significant
other – or even your child or best friend - it may help to remember that you
can’t explain love. And maybe that’s
what makes it so wonderful.
No comments:
Post a Comment