The end of another year

Another year is coming to an end.  The years do really slip by faster and faster, and when they are done they are just a distant memory, the events of the year just past blending with all the other years.  I sometimes find it difficult to remember when something happened – was it last year or two years ago or five?  I just know that it happened.

 

Thankfully, this past year was a huge improvement over the previous year for me – no health or medical issues, no huge emotional issues, no broken bones, no beloved pets being sent on their way to the next life.  All in all, a good year.

 

For the most part.  Unfortunately, bad things are happening in the lives of people I love, and those things have become part of my life and created some uncertainty, some fear, some sadness.  I wish better for them, and as I said to one, I don’t pray often, but I do pray for them.  I don’t know if it helps, but it’s a way I can feel I’ve helped at least a little.  A few positive thoughts can’t hurt.

While I don’t really believe the turn of a calendar page makes a difference in our lives, it  sometimes feels like it does.  For me it was the difference – almost from the first day of last year to the last – between a really bad year and a good year.  As this year draws to a close, I don’t feel there’s something waiting for me or is about to happen – like there’s going to be a difference – as the old year passes.  And that’s a good thing – it’s normal and that bodes well. 

 

What I do hope, for those experiencing pain, heartache, uncertainty or upheaval, is that there is a huge difference as we move from 2013 to 2014 and that the new year brings hope and relief.   The turn of the year is as good a time for that as any.  Better, maybe, because it’s imminent, and sooner is better than later. 

As I was writing this, I was thinking of specific people because I know how their lives are affected by their individual circumstances.  But as I think more about it, I want to leave this wish out there for anyone in trying circumstances.  Everyone deserves to have their uncertainties settled, their pain relieved, their grief lessened, their burdens lightened.

May the coming year be a good one for us all.    

Bumper stickers aren't always right

Another month has gone by - unbelievable.  The good news (for me) is that we're in the best time of the year - the Christmas season.  The music came out on the weekend and the outside lights and greenery are up, so there's a little something to get me into the festive mood.  Our house is in a bit of disarray, though, because we're having some work done, so I can't decorate just yet.  I hope that comes soon.

While I was out shopping yesterday, I noticed a bumper sticker I hadn't seen before - "The more I learn about people, the better I like my dog".  Or something like that.  It's a quote from Mark Twain.

At first I was amused because it made me think of the now-long-departed pooch - I like to remember him and think about his antics and how much pleasure (and frustration, if I'm honest) he brought to me and to my family.  

But think about what it says - animals are more lovable than people.  I suppose there's some truth in that - dogs are fairly predictable, they obey (well, not always, if I think about my dog), they love unconditionally and they know their place in their human pack.  They are also cuddly and soft.  What's not to love?

But is that better than getting to know and love people in all their complexity?  In finding the part of people that makes you glad you met them, even if you don't always agree with them or don't believe in what they stand for?  Don't you want people to get to know you and look beyond whatever walls you have built or masks you wear?   Personally, I don't like the idea that someone thinks their dog - as wonderful as their dog might be - is better to love than me.  Easier, maybe, but not better.

It's a cute saying but a sad statement. 

What I learned on my vacation

It has been a relatively eventful month. 

First there was Thanksgiving, when The Kid came home for a few days and we got together with a few family members so we could be thankful together.  Thanksgiving is my second-favourite holiday – it happens at the best time of the year and makes me think about all I have to be thankful for – which is plenty. 

Almost immediately after Thanksgiving, Jim and I left for a fall vacation.  We drove to San Antonio, Texas and enjoyed driving through areas new to us on our way there and back.  It was a fabulous vacation – although entirely too short. 

I’m not going to bore anyone with details of the trip – I’ve already regaled a few friends and family members with tales from the road; I just thought I’d share a few things I observed.

·    None of the states we drove through looked the way I was expecting.  Louisiana is not all bayou; Texas is not all sagebrush and cattle ranches.  I was surprised that as we travelled from state to state, the country looked remarkably the same - we could have been in northern Michigan.  (Don’t get me wrong – I really like northern Michigan!)  That didn’t meet my expectations at all.  There was one notable exception – an elevated section of interstate through the Atchefalaya Basin in Louisiana went over and through a mix of waterways, swamps, trees and I’m not sure what else.  And when we came back onto the ground, it went back to the northern Michigan landscape.  It was fascinating.

 

·     As intrusive and damaging as it is, kudzu is also fascinatingly beautiful.  It covers trees, walls, poles – almost anything, it seems – and transforms them into fantastical forms and shapes.

 

·    There are a lot of white vehicles in Texas and Louisiana.  I don’t know if that’s factually correct – we just saw a lot of them, and concluded that there were more there than other places we’d seen. 

·    Travel websites like Yelp and TripAdvisor can be really helpful when you are looking for a restaurant or hotel in a strange place.  Don’t be put off by the occasional nasty review – you have to look at the overall remarks.  We used these sites often and as a result were introduced to some really wonderful  meals and accommodation.

·     There is no better way to spend an evening than on an outdoor patio with a margarita in your hand and chips and salsa on the table - unless there’s a plate of seafood stuffed jalapenos on the table instead of the chips and salsa.  That’s what we had in Galveston where the patio overlooked the Gulf of Mexico and we could watch dolphins and pelicans while sipping our drinks and nibbling the jalapenos so that they didn’t disappear too quickly.

·    Old hippies go to Galveston.  At least that’s what we surmised from the number of bongs and hash pipes we saw for sale in the historic downtown stores.  

·    Southerners really, truly are friendly and hospitable.

 

·    Sometimes the best times are those you haven’t planned.

 

·    Best t-shirt I didn’t buy – “I may not be politically correct, but I am right”.

Live is so much better

Awhile ago Jim and I decided to buy a series of tickets to performances by artists we'd never heard of.   The tickets were relatively inexpensive, so we weren't losing a lot if we didn't really like what we heard or saw.  The first concert was by Chic Gamine, a group out of Winnipeg and Montreal.  

We'd read enough about them to expect a sort of updated version of a Motown girl group.  Turns out there is a lot more to them - a whole lot more.  They are a talented group of vocalists, songwriters and performers; they were engaging and interesting and totally into the music.  

Because I loved the performance so much, I bought one of their CDs before I left.  I've been listening to it all weekend and I'm actually a little disappointed by it.  Don't get me wrong - it's good; very good.  But it doesn't give me the same feeling about the music and them that their live performance gave me.  There's something about the women (and the guy -  I keep forgetting there's a guy in the group - he's the drummer) that brings life to the songs.  The live versions of their songs are definitely better than the studio versions.

So if you want a treat, go to their website and check out their videos and go to YouTube for more.  Maybe you will fall in love with Chic Gamine, too.

New friends welcome

I suppose it had to happen sometime.  I am now the (proud?) owner of an iPad and iPhone, and I make use of them every day.  Not only for useful things like checking the weather or checking email or reading the paper, but also - more so - for entertainment.  I love the games I can play on my new devices.

Games.  Apps.  Now I understand how people can spend hours on their tablets and never notice how much time has passed.

The best are word games.  I love word games, and a friend at work introduced me to WordOn.  It's like Scrabble without the game board.  I am now playing with 15 different people and I know only four of them; the rest are strangers - people looking for someone to play with.  They seem to be people like myself - lovers of word games and just a teensy bit competitive when it comes to words.

For my part, using words is how I make a living. I have a reasonable vocabulary and.like to think that I am - maybe - above average when it comes to putting words together.  And I can spell.  So I think I have a pretty good chance of doing well at word games.

Obviously, others have the same idea.  I sometimes struggle to find ways to use my letters and the letters sent to me by another player, and I watch the scores carefully, trying to find ways to bring my score up.  I have never thought of myself as a competitive sort, but apparently I am.

What is the best thing about the game is that I can 'chat' with other players - just a few phrases or words of congratulations over a good word or apologies over a profanity that was the only word I could make.    

I have now come to understand what The Kid meant when he was playing online with people he never met.  He would refer to them as "his friends" and I endlessly ragged on him about how he should be spending time with his real friends and how he didn't know the people online so he shouldn't call them friends.  Now I see that even though I don't know most of the people  I play with online, I somehow think of them as "my WordOn friends".  I feel a responsibility to them - a responsibility to tune in and seen what words they've made or which letters they've sent me.  A responsibility to keep this strange, distant relationship going.  And they seem to feel the same way.   We all enjoy the few minutes we take to trade words and letters and maybe a few cheerful comments.

So if you are looking for me and I'm not here (I really did intend to post something weekly ... I'm sorry I wasn't able to keep that resolution) you might find me as valeriew on WordOn.  I'm using the default funny face - that's how you should find me.  I always welcome new WordOn friends.

Saviour wanted

It’s the end of the week and I still haven’t posted anything – the pressure is on.  I checked the random word generator for some help to get me started and it spit out ‘Bodhisat’.   

Believe it or not, I actually know this word, or at least a different form of the word - Bohdisattva – as it came up in a comparative religions course I took in university.  A Bodhisat is a Buddha-in-waiting – someone who has reached the highest degree of enlightenment – or saintship, if you want the word used in the dictionaries – and will become the Buddha in their next reincarnation.  I’ve always liked the word and the concept, but have wondered if Bodhisats actually know they will be the next Buddha.  Do people know they are enlightened?  Do they choose to be Bohdisats?  Do they want to be Buddha?  It’s a big job, and a thankless one - no one wants to listen. 

I’m sure all my questions would be answered if I was Buddhist or took the time to read a bit more.  I do know there have been 28 Buddhas and there’s another expected.  I actually find that kind of exciting.  Having grown up a big-C Christian (although that status is surely in doubt in the minds of some people), I was always taught that Jesus is *the* saviour – no others exist and no more are expected.  

Don’t you find that sad?  No one to show us where we’ve strayed?   No one to remind us what needs to be done?  No one to show us a better path?  

I like the idea of a saviour in the wings – I just don’t know how you’d recognize one.

Totally random

Today I thought I’d use the random word generator to help get me started on this post, but once again I was given a ridiculous word – grotesqueness.  For heaven’s sake – who programmed this?  Cheerlessness; grotesqueness – are there no cheerier words to spit out?

***

 

It’s almost the end of another summer and the beginning of what I consider to be the new year.  It’s hard to tell, though – we are having hot, sticky days and nights and it feels more like the middle of summer.  Except there’s something that makes it feel like fall is coming.  I can’t quite put my finger on it – is it that the sun is lower in the sky?  There’s a hint that leaves are turning soon?  Whatever it is, it’s making me anticipate fall and it’s making me happy. 

***

 

On a totally unrelated subject, I heard Paul McCartney’s new single – “New” – today.  If there was any doubt that Lennon was the more talented of Lennon-McCartney, this song would surely put that doubt to rest.  Why can’t old rockers quit while they’re ahead?  

**

 

And the last in a series of totally unrelated topics … why can’t the media finish what they start?  How many times do they get you into a story and then drop it when it ceases to be sensational so you never learn the outcome?  Why are celebrities who are famous only for being famous even news in the first place?  Do the media decide what they want you to know and who you should be reading about?  

What if?

Do you play the “what if …” game? 

I started playing “what if” awhile ago.  I mentioned in an email to a friend that I wondered what would have been different if I’d gone to graduate school.  I have wondered that off and on, although not all that seriously as I don’t regret the decision I made to not go. 

But then I started thinking more about “what if?” –  what if I’d made this decision instead of that; what if I’d moved there instead of here; what if I’d turned down that invitation; what if … any number of decisions I’ve made through the years.  There are hundreds of decisions – large and small – that have shaped my life. 

I found it amusing that shortly after I started my own little game of “what if”, the topic showed up in a comic strip I enjoy – Pickles.  Both Earl and Opal have started their own games of “what if”, with interesting results. 

It’s hard not to play “what if” – I think we all wonder from time to time what might be different in our lives if we’d made one different decision.  Or would our lives be different?  Is it fate that determines how our lives unfold – in which case no decision we make will affect the outcome.  Or do we get where we are because of a combination of our choices and happenstance?  I tend to come down on the side of choices and happenstance, but sometimes that’s not so comforting. 

Because what often goes along with the “what if” game is the “I regret” game.  This is the dangerous game.  Playing “I regret” has at some points in my life led me – and others I know – to be seriously unhappy with their present reality. Regret can’t change the past, so playing the game seems always to end in a bad place.  It’s a game I hope I’ve left well in the past, although it sometimes beckons in the midst of “what if”. 

I enjoy a good game of “what if”, but it’s also nice to put it away on the shelf and enjoy where my decisions have brought me – assuredly a different place than if I’d made different decisions, but a good place all the same.

It all sounded so good in the ad ...

We are away at a rented cottage for a week's vacation with the kid.  It's been a long time since we all vacationed together and we're having a great time.    And thank goodness we're having such a good time, because if we weren't, there would be lots to complain about with our accommodation.

Like a lot of people, we found our cottage online, through what we have known to be a reputable website.  The website made clear the cottages aren't on the water, but across from the lake.  There is a nice beach and the water is great for swimming.  There's a heated pool, wifi available in the office, satellite tv in every cottage, all the mod cons - all we had to bring were our clothes and food.

Sort of.  As it turns out, the lake is across the road and you get to the beach by walking through trees on a mulch path, until you hit the many, many stairs that take you down to a deck above the waterline.  There is a tiny strip of grass and sand that could, if you use your imagination, be considered a beach.  After you walk over many small rocks at the edge of the water, you get to the mud-and-rock bottomed lake, where you'd better swim if you don't like mud oozing between your toes and underwater plants grabbing at your legs. 

The rest is all true enough as well - I'm sure the pool has a heater but I'm not sure the heater is being used.  There's no one on site through the week, so there's also a lovely accumulation of bugs - dead and alive - floating on the top.  The wifi in the office works - sometimes.  The satellite tv works - sometimes.  Mod cons?  Well, you guess at how modern they are.

But you know what?  It doesn't really matter all that much.  We are together as a family, we are having a good time anyway and we'll have lots of stories from this place.   This place is really giving us a break from the ordinary.

The new menace on the roads

Morning walks have changed.  It’s now dark at just after 5:30 when I head out.  The morning sounds are different than they were just a few short weeks ago – fewer birds are singing and the sounds from the bushes are more ominous (rummaging squirrels?  lurking coyotes?  frightened rabbits?).  Everything is just that much less friendly because of the darkness, and this is what I will face from now until late next spring. 

The darkness makes morning sounds seem louder – it’s like sound carries further and becomes amplified.  That first morning chirp could be coming from anywhere.  Train wheels on the tracks are louder.  If the wind is coming from the right direction, cars noises from the highway are louder, too. 

What’s not louder, though, is the new menace on the roads – electric or hybrid cars and bikes.  They silently come out of nowhere and glide past without a sound.  I am so used to hearing vehicles approach that I barely look when I cross the road during my early morning walks.  Until yesterday, that is, when I almost stepped out in front of an electric bike.  That thing made no sound at all as it approached and it was a last-second, out-of-habit glance that saved me from putting a foot out onto the road. 

I know I should have been more attentive and more careful about looking before I crossed the road, but honestly, you should be able to hear these things.  Hybrid vehicles are the same – they can approach without you knowing it.  As wonderful an invention as they are, they are making the streets less safe for pedestrians who assume they will hear a car or bike approaching.  They are a menace, I tell you! 

 

So now on my morning walk, I have to watch for skunks, coyotes and electric or hybrid vehicles.  What’s next, I wonder.

 

A fleeting encounter

I had an interesting experience with a total stranger yesterday.   

We were both in line at the grocery store and watched as the woman in front of us proceeded to put about 13 or 14 items on the belt in the express checkout line.  You have to understand that there’s a sign that practically screams “10 items or less” just below the big “Express Line” sign – there’s no way you can miss it. 

I noticed the woman in front of me look away with a grimace, and I quietly said to her, “you’re counting items, aren’t you?”  She looked at me and smiled and nodded and then we both started to laugh – we were both guilty of judging the woman in front of us.  And if we hadn’t laughed, we might have started a very different conversation. 

Instead of talking about how inconsiderate the woman was, we talked instead about our own experiences of being caught in the express line with more the allowable number of items – the times we’ve been in a rush and automatically headed to that line; of the time I was told by the express checkout clerk with no customers to bring my full cart through because she wasn’t busy, and then finding six angry people when I looked behind me; of how great the clerks  were and how much we like the store and how we discovered it after moving to the neighbourhood.  And we talked more, finding that every time we mentioned something new, the other had the same experience or was in a similar circumstance.  It was like meeting a new best friend.  And it all took place in about five minutes. 

You can never tell when or where you’ll meet someone you connect with.  I don’t expect I’ll see her again and even if I do, we won’t be best friends and we won’t arrange to meet for coffee.  We are strangers who shared an experience, a bit of conversation and a bit of ourselves.  It was a much nicer way to spend the time than glaring at the woman with too many items for the checkout.

A mid-year's resolution

A few years ago, I received daily emails with a “mosaic of the day”.  A mosaic artist was inspired by another artist's fundraising project – painting something small every day and offering it for sale online, with all proceeds going to a particular charity.  The mosaic artist liked the idea and did the same in mosaics and she produced some beautiful works.  Unfortunately, she was interrupted so the daily emails stopped and then I changed email addresses and I’ve never seen another one since. 

Then just this past spring, I heard a speaker at conference talk about his daily blogs.  He made himself write something every day even though he often had nothing to talk about.  His secret?  He used a random word generator to give him a word, and then he’d write something about it and try to relate or connect it to something people might be interested in.  (I tried a random word generator a few weeks ago – the word given to me was “cheerlessness” …hardly the topic for a sporadic blogger to write about.)  The point that most stayed with me was the regularity of his posts. 

The obvious thread here is that I was impressed with the commitment these two people showed when they produced something every day, no matter how difficult it proved to be.  

And that’s how I wanted to approach this blog this summer - I (privately but hopefully) resolved to write something here every day.  Well, so much for that.  And it’s probably just as well because I would have been obligated to write about cheerlessness when I had nothing to write about.  I’m pretty sure that would have been a waste of everyone’s time – mine for writing it and yours for reading it.   

So I make this resolution instead:  I resolve to write something once a week.  Something worth my time and your time.  Maybe if I make this commitment in writing, it’ll actually stick. 

I’ll see you back here next week.

The things you see when you don't have your camera

Okay, this is getting ridiculous – it’s already close to the end of April and I haven’t posted anything here since February.  It’s not that I haven’t had anything to say; it’s just … just … excuses, I suppose.

I’m happy to see that it’s finally getting light again as I do my daily morning walk – walking around in the dark is just so uninspiring.  But now the birds are singing, the early morning sky is gorgeous hues of blue and pink and purple and orange and I feel more energized by the time I get home.

I wish I would remember to take my camera or phone with me on these morning walks – I have seen some skies I would like to capture so I can translate them into stained glass – I can already imagine the glass I would use.  This is a real step forward for me – I have done virtually no stained glass since I left the studio four years ago, and I’m itching to get back into it again.

The camera would come in handy for other things, too.  I had a good look at Ralph the coyote (or a friend or relative of Ralph’s) the other morning – he is looking really good.  I hadn’t seen him for a long time.  I’ve sighted a different coyote – one which is less healthy-looking, to the point that I’ve wondered if he or she is ill – once or twice, but that’s been it.  I could have had a really good picture of Ralph that morning.

[As an aside, I saw a documentary on CBC’s The Nature of Things awhile ago, and it was about the Coywolf – a cross between a coyote and a wolf.  As strange as that sounds, the footage they have and the descriptions they gave are very similar to what I’ve seen of Ralph and his pals.  Seems coywolves are very urban animals and have very wide territories.  If you are interested, here’s the link to the video (sorry – the video is available only in Canada, at least on this website.)]

There’s been one other occasion when I would have liked to have had a camera, but I don’t think I’d have been able to use it.  As I rounded a corner, I spied a woman with a small dog on a leash.  In the hand not gripping the leash was a long wooden pole.  It immediately reminded me of the phrase “walk softly and carry a big stick” (although I just found out from googling the phrase that it’s actually “speak softly and carry a big stick” – it’s a quote from Teddy Roosevelt.) 

Anyway, it struck me as very comical.  We stopped to chat and I found out that she took the large pole with her to help chase away the coyotes – she has run across two of them together and she fears for her little dog’s well-being when they are around.  At least a pole will give her some (literal) clout. Not at all a comical situation, but you had to see it.

Pretty soon it will be light when I leave the house, and a little warmer, and morning walks will be something I look forward to again.  It is a pretty nice way to start the day, and you never know what you will see.

 

Last vestiges of Christmas

There is usually some Christmas ornament or decoration that gets overlooked when we are cleaning up after Christmas.  This year we were pretty thorough and went through the house, room by room, and were certain that nothing seasonal was still hanging around.   

I know we’re not the only ones who miss these things – we were recently at my brother’s house and there, hanging from the dining room light fixture, were small Christmas balls and over there, behind the couch, was a tall glass jar of sparkly Christmas ornaments.   

Turns out we weren’t so thorough ourselves.  Do you know what I found the other day?  On our front door still hangs the Christmas bow I had specially made for the door knocker and on the door from the back deck into the garage hangs the swag of (now not-so-) fresh greens I happily hung there over two months ago.   

How could I have missed these things – they aren't small and I see them every day.  Now I’m going to have to go around the house again and try to see with a fresh eye if there’s anything else I missed. 

Jumping to conclusions

I was gently reminded the other day that I hadn't posted anything since before Christmas.  My excuse is that time has slipped away again; I cannot understand how it's almost the end of January already.  But there has been something I've been meaning to talk about here.

Over the last week, I noticed the following:

A house down the street still has a Christmas tree up.
The guy at the corner brought out his snow blower this morning to get rid of the 2 cms of snow on his driveway.
A pretty healthy-looking woman whipped into a "disabled" parking spot and ran into the mall (and yes, she had a wheelchair permit on her dash).
And I'm guilty of jumping to conclusions.

Let me tell you about the conclusions I drew from each of the first three things I noticed.

First, the house with the tree - it seemed to me that whoever lives there is really pushing Christmas way past the bounds of normal love of the Christmas season.  I love Christmas as much as the next person, but a tree at the end of January?  Please.

The guy with the snow blower - what a lazy so-and-so.  There's barely an inch of snow on the driveway and it would take less time to bring out a shovel and push it off than it does to warm up the snowblower and manhandle it down the driveway.  Having a tool doesn't mean it's the right tool for every job.  And the snow blower is noisy and annoying on a quiet Saturday morning.

The woman in the "disabled" spot - how inconsiderate that she wouldn't leave that spot for someone who really needs it.  She obviously didn't.

Would you be coming to the same conclusions?   (I can't be the only one.  Please don't let me be the only one.)  I think many of us look at situations around us and make assumptions without knowing the circumstances behind what we see.  

The Christmas tree, for instance, may still be up because the person living there is ill and can't take it down.  Or maybe they are waiting for a family member to come for a belated Christmas celebration.  Or maybe they  like to leave their tree up for two months.

The guy with the snow blower may not be able to shovel because of a repetitive strain injury to his shoulder or elbow.  Or maybe he brings it out to do his driveway and then most of the sidewalks in the neighbourhood  - it's faster with a snow blower than with a shovel.

And perhaps the woman rushing into the mall was going to fetch her disabled parent or sibling or neighbour and help them out to the car.  

I needn't have made any assumptions about any of those situations - I don't know these people and what they do doesn't really affect me.  Who cares if a Christmas tree is up?  Or a guy chooses to use a snow blower over a shovel?  Or someone takes advantage of a technicality while I drive round and round, looking for an open parking spot?  It's not my business.  Why think or talk about it at all?

Well, when I noticed each of those things, I jumped to some conclusions and considered them fodder for a post here.  They were the beginnings of a grumbly post about how crazy/lazy/inconsiderate people were.  And while I was thinking about how to frame all that here, I started thinking about what might be behind the behaviour and why things may not be as they appeared.  It sort of ruined what I was going to say.  But somehow it still seemed worth talking about, and so here we are.

Maybe there's a lesson in here for all of us.  Or maybe not - maybe I'm giving crazy/lazy/inconsiderate people more credit than they deserve.  I may have drawn exactly the right conclusions.  Who knows?